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Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Success is Failure. Failure is Success.

The announcement picked up by Private Frazer who has now returned from his embalming holiday, that The Cruise Ship has merged with the Ferry Technology (Yes, yes I know, I hadn't heard of them either,) has spawned the most astonishing guff in explaination from its publishers. I have extracted a handful of the dafter pieces from their press release, and parsed it through the Business Media Blog Babel Fish.

1) "Riviera Maritime Media has merged two of its technical journals, The Cruise Ship and Ferry Technology, "

Translates as, "Riviera Maritime Media has closed one its titles"

2)"The cruise ship and ferry markets have much in common from a technical point of view, and a title covering both has always been an option considered by RMM."

Translates as, "We sometimes thought, that if things get really bad we can crunch two mags together, fire some people and save some cost. Obviously, from a publishing/edit point of view this is a bad idea otherwise we would have done it when times were good."

3) "The decision to merge the journals was a response to readers' requests for a larger journal that is able to cover more topics in depth."

Translates as, "We haven't had any mail from our readers in ages. We know that you know that readers don't care enough about our magazines to send in requests for larger issues, but we have to say something - however daft it sounds."

4) "Maintaining the successful format already established in Ferry Technology and The Cruise Ship...",

Translates as, "We failed. There is no hiding from it. But even though we failed we are going to stick to the same failed editorial formula. We aren't changing so we had better hope our readers will. Ungrateful bastards."

5) "A dedicated website for this publication will be introduced soon. In the meantime further information can be obtained from Daniel Bragg, Sales Manager:t: +44 20 8370 7003

Translates as, "This wasn't planned. We are having a bit of a panic. Please call me. I need friends."

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At 12:31 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A dedicated website for this publication will be introduced soon.

Means: By creating a tragic and largely useless copy of the tripe we produce in print on the interweb, when things really go bad we can bin the magazines altogether but maintain the publication names on our portfolio in case a publisher with more brains ever decides to buy us. This company is run by people who don't understand what's happening to business media - help!


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